Author: Craig Hatkoff

Some might see this evolution in the used products as a sticky situation but at the right price it jusr goes to show you there is a market for everything!

Brett Cavanaugh is America’s  #1 beer fan.  He liked beer in college although he has problems recalling some questionable behavior under the influence of his favorite brand which seems to any bottle of beer that’s nearby.  God bless him. Who doesn’t admire a beer-loving Supreme Court Justice who can’t remember if he blacked out or what did or din’t do under the influence? Beer drinkers of the world unite!

Sporting presumably prosthetic size Z breasts, trans-gender Shop Teacher  Kayla Lemieux was removed from her position at a previous school which endured bomb threats and extra security.  She wasplaced on paid leave.  But the controversy followed her to new teaching position at Nora Frances Henderson Secondary School in Toronto.  She required a police escort arriving at her teacher orientation day.  School started the following day.  Stay tuned….

Diver Randy Fry  had said that if he had to go, he “wanted it to be in the water.”  Well, he got his wish although it’s likely it was a slightly different scenario than gently floating to the bottom of the Great Abyss . While diving with his long-friend Cliff Zimmerman, Fry’s head was ripped apart from his body by a shark while diving off Fort Bragg in California.  As they say on Wall Street if you make an offer be ready to “fill or kill.”

This has got to be one of the craziest stories ever. It involves NASA, Carl Sagan, LSD, a committed and sexually accommodating researcher and. a dolpin named Peter who commits suicide. All captured in a BBC documentary called THe Girl Who Spoke to Dolphins. Couldn’t make this one up… https://allthatsinteresting.com/margaret-howe-lovatt

The bull known as Howdy Doody somehow managed to finagle a literal front row seat.  The front seat will need a thorough cleaning by the time this ride os over. This what makes America Great!

Check this concert photo carefully before you come to any conclusions.  It’s not what you think and if you think it you have a dirty mind.

Scientists have created a giant meatball from the extracted DNA of an extinct Woolly Mammoth.  The only more vexing marketing challenge is to sell crickets tartare to the masses.

The real goal of the alt-right is to rebrand McDonalds and to change the menu to their Maximum Leader’s favorite versions of the Big Mac which needs alittle updating

Making hay already. The historic mug shot at the Fulton County Jail has also assured Donald Trump an historic cash haul from the MAGA CROWD (not including Vladimir Putin and President Xi’s unofficial efforts). The estimates range for political contributions stemming from this unique photo are currently estimated at $750 million- $1 billion.

Sam Zell, the recently-deceased real estate mogul and notorious Grave Dancer for picking up the corporate carcusses of dying companies  always used “colorful” language and imagery. Here’s one of our favorite pictures that makes Sam point unambiguously.

It’s illegal to show gorilla’s under 800 lbs porno videos in the state of  Iowa.  Judge sentences her to spend two weeks in the cage with the gorilla to get her jollies out.

Cancel culture strikes again.  We are in deep doodoo when callin like it is gets you canceled by all the other imbeciles.

He’s soooo cute.  A McDonalds a day keeps Mufasa Away.  De Santis punks Disney and Trump in one fell swoop.

The only spotless giraffe known to exist has caused great confusion in the scientific and conservation communities. Is this baby giraffe a black swan of  genetics or a victim of child abuse?  Lady Macbeth is likely to be called in as a witness should this matter go to trial.  The Tennessee Zoo issued a “no comment.” A grounds keeper who asked not to be identified for fear or reprisal said “I’ll be damned.  The baby giraffe was loaded with spots when I made rounds this morning.”

Seems the World Bank has a real flair for the obvious.  Let us fill you in: other than the 1%,  EVERYONE needs more money.

These gently-used hotdogs debunk the saying that there’s no such thing as a “free lunch. ”  But not sure “free” overcomes the “gently-used” part.  It also begs the question of whether the free, gently-used,  hot dogs were frozen stiff, defrosted and flabby, or hot and spicy with condiments all the way before being offered to the general public.  We’ll get back to you as soon as we determine the potential use cases for “gently-used” hot dogs.  Proceed with caution and don’t try this at home.

If you were to include all dead female teenagers ten years after they died in the statistical study I guess this would make sense.

With two of the world’s most irresponsible major powers in possession of nearly 13,000 nuclear warheads (Russia: 6500, US:  6,499)  the recent box office success of “Oppenheimer” suggests reckless world leaders who store nuclear codes unattended in Country Club bathrooms create existential threats that could destroy the planet, 5,000 times over..  The fact we have not blown the planet up is perhaps one of the biggest miracles on par with the parting of the Red Sea, walking on water, and rising from the dead. Don’t try this at home.

While medical and recreational cannabis has been legalized in many states, legalization at the federal level has been quite elusive.  But now after much debate an omnibus bill has been sent to The Joint Committee of Congress (not to be confused by a joint committee) the likelihood of passage has never been so high.  Special amicus testimony was presented to the Joint Committee by former President Bill “I didn’t inhale” Clinton, Willie Nelson, Bob Marley (who appeared to appear posthumously via hologram), and Snoop Dog to name a few.

High-intensity sex between two male sibling manatees has created an opportunity for Governor Ron De Santis to euthanize all male manatees in the state of Florida for corrupting the minds of schoolchildren.  “Is this the kind of behavior we want to expose second graders to?” a visibly angry De Santis was thought to have uttered from beneath his wetsuit, mask, and snorkel brandishing a speargun.  While unconfirmed, De Santis is seeking the death penalty for Hugh Manatee whose rough sex resulted in a perforated colon (14.5 cm) in his younger brother Buffett Manatee who was pronounced dead at the scene of the crime.  Jimmy Buffett offered his condolences and said, “It’s five o’clock somewhere. Hell maybe we’ll just create Manateeville”