Orifice of Delpi: Don’t Be Puttin’ Things Where They Don’t Belong
According to our most reliable source, the NY Post: “Over half of the items found lodged in the caboose are sex toys like vibrators and anal beads, but marbles, bottles, and other detritus are also found.To add insult to injury, the 277,922 foreign-body incidents cost an average of $5,000 at the hospital, according to personal injury lawyers at John Foy & Associates’ study of the CDC data.” That be a lot of hooch in the scootch WTFNews’ Favorite Retorts: 1)Honestly Doctor: 2) I tripped and look what happened? 3) I have no idea how that bottle ended up in my tushy? 4) Rectum? Damn near killed ’em!
Oops I Did It Again! Oedipus Hex
Talk about daddy issues! Now here’s a girl who will need therapy for the rest of her life….
A Market Place for Everything? Used Condoms Coming Soon
Some might see this evolution in the used products as a sticky situation but at the right price it jusr goes to show you there is a market for everything!
Justice Kavanugh’s Favorite Chart: “I like beer. I still like beer!”
Brett Cavanaugh is America’s #1 beer fan. He liked beer in college although he has problems recalling some questionable behavior under the influence of his favorite brand which seems to any bottle of beer that’s nearby. God bless him. Who doesn’t admire a beer-loving Supreme Court Justice who can’t remember if he blacked out or what did or din’t do under the influence? Beer drinkers of the world unite!
To Z or Not to Z: Gender Wars Continue
Sporting presumably prosthetic size Z breasts, trans-gender Shop Teacher Kayla Lemieux was removed from her position at a previous school which endured bomb threats and extra security. She wasplaced on paid leave. But the controversy followed her to new teaching position at Nora Frances Henderson Secondary School in Toronto. She required a police escort arriving at her teacher orientation day. School started the following day. Stay tuned….
Careful What You Wish For: Shark Fulfills Divers Final Request
Diver Randy Fry had said that if he had to go, he “wanted it to be in the water.” Well, he got his wish although it’s likely it was a slightly different scenario than gently floating to the bottom of the Great Abyss . While diving with his long-friend Cliff Zimmerman, Fry’s head was ripped apart from his body by a shark while diving off Fort Bragg in California. As they say on Wall Street if you make an offer be ready to “fill or kill.”
After Researcher Has Sexual Relationship with Peter the Dolphin; Heartbroken Peter Commits Suicide
This has got to be one of the craziest stories ever. It involves NASA, Carl Sagan, LSD, a committed and sexually accommodating researcher and. a dolpin named Peter who commits suicide. All captured in a BBC documentary called THe Girl Who Spoke to Dolphins. Couldn’t make this one up… https://allthatsinteresting.com/margaret-howe-lovatt
Researcher Has Sex with a Dolphin; Dolphin Commits Suicide
Dolphin’s have urges too. Researcher Margaret Howe Lovatt, not to be confused with Jennifer Love Hewitt took her NASA -funded research very serious. Her study which has been turned into a BBC Doc. Dr. Lovatt came to satisfy Peter the Dolphin’s sexual urges. After their separation, Peter committed suicide. https://allthatsinteresting.com/margaret-howe-lovatt
It’s Howdy Doody Time! A Lot of Bull Shit in the Front Seat
The bull known as Howdy Doody somehow managed to finagle a literal front row seat. The front seat will need a thorough cleaning by the time this ride os over. This what makes America Great!
Ya’ Better Look Twice: Shame on You for Having a Dirty Mind
Check this concert photo carefully before you come to any conclusions. It’s not what you think and if you think it you have a dirty mind.
Extinct-ential Marketing Challenge: Giant Meatball of Extinct Mammoth Unveiled in The Netherlands
Scientists have created a giant meatball from the extracted DNA of an extinct Woolly Mammoth. The only more vexing marketing challenge is to sell crickets tartare to the masses.
QAnon Dream for a Second Term: Donald with New Big Mac Putin Putinesca and Xi Whiz
The real goal of the alt-right is to rebrand McDonalds and to change the menu to their Maximum Leader’s favorite versions of the Big Mac which needs alittle updating
Making Hay: The $1 Billion Mug Shot
Making hay already. The historic mug shot at the Fulton County Jail has also assured Donald Trump an historic cash haul from the MAGA CROWD (not including Vladimir Putin and President Xi’s unofficial efforts). The estimates range for political contributions stemming from this unique photo are currently estimated at $750 million- $1 billion.
Unless You’re the Lead Dog, the View Always Remains the Same
Sam Zell, the recently-deceased real estate mogul and notorious Grave Dancer for picking up the corporate carcusses of dying companies always used “colorful” language and imagery. Here’s one of our favorite pictures that makes Sam point unambiguously.
Girl Charged With Sodomy and Gorilla Pornography?
It’s illegal to show gorilla’s under 800 lbs porno videos in the state of Iowa. Judge sentences her to spend two weeks in the cage with the gorilla to get her jollies out.
Cancel Culture: Just Can’t Say Nothin’ No More More
Cancel culture strikes again. We are in deep doodoo when callin like it is gets you canceled by all the other imbeciles.
This Ad Was Paid for by the Committee to Elect Ron De Santis
He’s soooo cute. A McDonalds a day keeps Mufasa Away. De Santis punks Disney and Trump in one fell swoop.
For Christ’s Sake Mom, Stop Licking So Damn Hard
The only spotless giraffe known to exist has caused great confusion in the scientific and conservation communities. Is this baby giraffe a black swan of genetics or a victim of child abuse? Lady Macbeth is likely to be called in as a witness should this matter go to trial. The Tennessee Zoo issued a “no comment.” A grounds keeper who asked not to be identified for fear or reprisal said “I’ll be damned. The baby giraffe was loaded with spots when I made rounds this morning.”
World Bank Shocked to Discover the Poor Need More Money
Seems the World Bank has a real flair for the obvious. Let us fill you in: other than the 1%, EVERYONE needs more money.